I hit the 20 week mark today. That means I’m halfway done with this preggo journey. That means in just a few weeks, my baby could reasonably be saved if she were to come early.
That shit is crazy.
I can’t believe how quickly the first half of my pregnancy has gone by. Even the time-crawling, this-will-never-end nature of first trimester is fading into distant memory. (Thank you, whatever biological mechanism is helping me forget the gory details of those first couple months).
In some ways I don’t feel like I can take credit for being halfway done; after all, for the first 2 or 3 weeks they count, you’re not actually pregnant, and for the first 5 or 6, most people don’t know they’re pregnant.
In any case, though, the 20 week mark triggered my anxiety and oh shit this is real buttons like no other milestone has yet. I washed some of the gifts we’ve gotten (how awesome are these?! Thank you Jamie, Nara, and Rena! :))
… and then promptly had a little freakout about how we haven’t done anything to get ready. No nursery furniture or decorating or plans. We’re not on any daycare or preschool waiting lists. We’ve had one halfway serious conversation about names. Neither of us knows how we’re going to handle work once the baby comes. (Oh, the joys of working for yourself: there’s no official time off for maternity or paternity, there’s no one to take over your role while you’re bringing a new life into the world), and absolutely no pay while you’re doing 3am feedings instead of hustling for business.
That anxiety storm has passed, at least for now. I woke up this morning feeling much more relaxed, knowing that one way or another, we’ll figure it out. So in the meantime, I’m borrowing one of those pregnancy update blog templates to check in on myself, midway through:
How far along? 20 weeks.
Baby is a… banana. Yuck. I hate bananas. Can I choose a different fruit?
Weight gain: no clue. I haven’t laid eyes on a scale in two months. If you’re waffling between an OB and a midwife, here’s another bump in the pro midwife column: there’s no forced weigh-ins. 🙂
Symptoms: overall pretty good! Hungry all the time. I usually get one or two good energy days, then have a wipeout day. Now that I’ve figured out the pattern, I am handling my fatigue days better. I also get really short of breath when I climb the stairs, and dizzy when I stand up.
Cravings: potato chips, but I’m pretty sure that was a pre-existing condition that can’t be blamed on the pregnancy.
Aversions: still not into meat or sweets. I have ice cream occasionally BECAUSE I’M PREGNANT, DAMMIT, but most sweets don’t appeal.
Movements: I’ve felt two movements, really far apart. The first was little butterfly flutters, really early on – I think it was around week 12 or so. The second was the softest little jab during week 18. Waiting for more, and more consistent, movements.
Excited for: our anatomy scan, which I have yet to schedule. I have a feeling seeing an actual baby in there might prompt another freakout.
p.s. I realized I’ve been telling everyone I see in real life, but have yet to officially announce on the internet yet, so here goes:
It’s a girl!!